Heart of the Matter by Lisa Stidd Silver

A little over a year ago—no, almost two years ago—my world flipped. It flipped over a miracle. The miracle resided in the duality that exists between the heart and the mind. My mind could make no sense of what was going on at the time, but my heart somehow understood everything. This happened on the day my brother died. Before my mind knew that he was gone from this world, my heart sensed bliss and a soaring and freedom that sent me dancing and twirling about the house as the rays of the morning sun were doing the same. I was just ready for the “big move” to Portland, Oregon, expecting my brother to arrive to help me pack up and drive together to a new home a thousand miles away. Piles of boxes, both full and empty, were the trees of my enchanted forest this morning in which I spiraled about. A beautiful piece of music played from the sound machine and my body caught the beat and the essential message of that in a dance that danced me, not the other way round. I could not have known it at the time but this unfettered reality, this ‘home’ that my heart knew and my body moved to—this was the soaring that my brother was now experiencing. He was free.

It was just a few hours later that my dad called to tell me that my brother was not going to make it for the move. He had been on his way to Telluride to help me with one of the boldest changes of my life, but as it turned out, his was the greater shift. Once my mind caught up to what my heart had known only hours earlier, it jumped into action. The deep, gut-wrenching emotions that came with this news disoriented me. I was confused by my earlier angelic experience, dancing in sheer joy. How could these experiences live together in a single heart?

It wasn’t until a couple of days later, as we, my three kids and I, were flying home, that it all came together for me. We were in the Denver airport awaiting our connecting flight, communing with the rest of the family via a conference call on our cell phones from different parts of the country, as my brother was being cremated. My dad had pulled the CD from my brother’s car, the very music he had been listening to on his road trip to transport me to my new home, when he was so suddenly wrenched from his own life. So in our silence, connected as one, we all listened to his music. It was muffled, as you can imagine, being in a busy airport, on a cell phone and on speaker phone ... but then recognition registered as I strained to hear what music was playing. In that moment of recognition, I was aware, as never before, how the heart rules. The heart is the Master. The mind has the power to create and project what it thinks it knows, but the heart just knows. It is pure. It is truth! The song playing from my brother’s CD was the same song I was dancing and spinning to that morning, as if I had wings.

I still made the move from Telluride to Portland. It was my older sister who embarked on this pilgrimage with me...our baby brother in tandem in another realm, but right there with us. In this past year I have joined the ranks of the unemployed, yet I am so employed. My sense of freedom is intact and my heart is the leader. The universe blesses and provides for every step of the way. And I trust.

Miracles abound. In a reality where my mind would say, “Freak Out!”, it has learned its place, and my heart guides me and I feel serenity and peace. I have great love in my life, meaningful and inspiring work, healthy children and time to connect. My heart leads me each and every day on this journey. The experiences are rich and rewarding as I am “getting it”. It’s not what you think it IS, but it IS what you feel. IT will take you there if you listen.

My brother is my wingman. My dedication to living vibrantly, through my heart, is how I honor him and everyone with whom I come in contact. In this way, miracles have become a daily part of living.

Although Lisa Stidd Silver’s professional background currently and these past 24 years is that of Architecture, and specifically residential design, she has been exploring a new passion as of late...writing and journaling. It is through this exploration that she is inspired to share her journey and her experiences. Lisa resides in Portland, Oregon with her two daughters and son where her current endeavor, as well as writing, is to build her design practice and to connect with people in her new community in a meaningful way, each and every day. She may also be seen quite frequently climbing in the Northwest hills (which she traded for the mountains of Colorado) on her road bike, a passion she has maintained throughout her life. If the reader would like to share any comments regarding this article, the author requests that you please forward them to ssdesign@montrose.net.