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 On
The Path
Conscious Love #795
by Bob Czimbal
"After ending a seven-year relationship, I had to rekindle the art of flirting."
During
the past month several men and women have asked me to consult
with them about finding a mate, a life partner, a lover. Each
of them has reached a high level of spiritual development and
is a multidimensional person.
Sabina
summed up what they were all feeling: "It seems that since
I have done my healing and growth it has become harder to find
a mate whom I can be peers with. I am a beautiful being and I
want someone to share my joy. Having reached this stage of my
life I will not settle for less. I feel stuck in a new age dilemma.
How do I find my mate?"
I
began the quest for my mate by developing a customized list of
qualities I wanted in a mate. I began with two questions: What
are the personal qualities that set me apart from others? and
What do I desire in a partner?
I
was surprised to realize that the top ten profile answered both!
Then I saw that it also reflected what I sought in my deep male
and female friendships.
1. Possesses a high level of self-love.
2. Has worked to heal old wounds and values personal growth.
3. Loves to spend time exploring nature.
4. Has good friendship skills and invests in quality relationships.
5. Follows a spiritual path.
6. Is passionate in many areas of life.
7. Enjoys being physically active and is health conscious.
8. Has a well-developed sense of humor & makes time to play.
9. Is committed to love and intimacy.
10. Has a spirit of adventure.
In
the past I was repeatedly disappointed in relationships because
I wasn't clear about my needs and wants. When I was starved for
affection I made bad choices. Besides, being too needy scared
potential mates away. This list repeatedly helped me as a reality
check that kept me on my path. Also it saved me lots of time and
energy by helping me to distinguish whether a person was more
a friend-and-lover or a potential mate and co-parent. Once on
a date with Cheryl she said," I'll show you my list if you'll
show me yours." Our lists were so different we realized we
were not mate material for each other.
This
time I was looking for someone with the emotional maturity for
lasting love, a conscious love I believe I deserved. I gave copies
of my list to all my friends to help me find my heart's desire.
After
ending a seven-year relationship, I had to rekindle the art of
flirting. I practiced upgrading my skills every chance I got.
I became a good listener. I improved my ability to ask meaningful
questions as a way of learning more about a new person. If the
interest seemed mutual, I would express that I wanted to spend
more time together. This was more an offer of friendship than
asking for a date. I found this to work better than asking someone
to go out on a particular night to do a specific activity. This
way we would decide what we wanted to do together and when.
My
strategy was to be as full of love as possible while looking for
love. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of creating meaningful,
supportive friendships while on the quest. It took two years to
find the one who fit my profile. I was a little discouraged. Then
one hot summer night, when I least expected it, I met my future
wife, Maggie, dancing at a dear friend's birthday party.
So,
where are the "good ones"? The research shows that 90%
of the time, people find great jobs and great mates via people
they know. Your circle of friends will be the best place to find
the "good ones". I recommend that you carefully select
events with the highest likelihood of having great people attending.
Use parties, gatherings and seminars to practice your mingling
skills. Many couples I interviewed reported finding each other
by being involved with groups that met regularly. This setting
was safe, provided a shared common interest and the opportunity
to get to know someone over time. To be successful in your quest
you must be where the eligible partners gather. By doing what
you love you will increase the possibility of finding love.
Conscious
love is about conscious choice. First, become aware of who you
are. Then, make the commitment necessary to find who you are truly
looking for. My commitment resulted in finding Maggie. Twenty
years later I realize how well our lists matched up —and
new additions to the list keep unfolding. Do whatever it takes.
It's worth the effort. Email me with your suggestions so I can
pass your insights to others.
Bob
welcomes your comments. You may reach him at The Abundance Company
503/232-3522, Bob@A-Bun-Dance.com, www.A-Bun-Dance.com
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