Fall '01 Issue 19
As the Summer of the Victim Turns to Autumn of the Tyrant
Taking Refuge: Reflections on Service
Dreams of Kindness, Love & Grace
DEATH: The “Sugar” of Life
On The Path: Conscious Love 795
Leaving Home: Disaster on Earth: End the Denial
You Say Liberal Media, I Say Trivial Media, Let’s Call the Whole Thing Off
On The Path Conscious Love #795 by Bob Czimbal
"After ending a seven-year relationship, I had to rekindle the art of flirting."
During the past month several men and women have asked me to consult with them about finding a mate, a life partner, a lover. Each of them has reached a high level of spiritual development and is a multidimensional person.
Sabina summed up what they were all feeling: "It seems that since I have done my healing and growth it has become harder to find a mate whom I can be peers with. I am a beautiful being and I want someone to share my joy. Having reached this stage of my life I will not settle for less. I feel stuck in a new age dilemma. How do I find my mate?"
I began the quest for my mate by developing a customized list of qualities I wanted in a mate. I began with two questions: What are the personal qualities that set me apart from others? and What do I desire in a partner?
I was surprised to realize that the top ten profile answered both! Then I saw that it also reflected what I sought in my deep male and female friendships.
In the past I was repeatedly disappointed in relationships because I wasn't clear about my needs and wants. When I was starved for affection I made bad choices. Besides, being too needy scared potential mates away. This list repeatedly helped me as a reality check that kept me on my path. Also it saved me lots of time and energy by helping me to distinguish whether a person was more a friend-and-lover or a potential mate and co-parent. Once on a date with Cheryl she said," I'll show you my list if you'll show me yours." Our lists were so different we realized we were not mate material for each other.
This time I was looking for someone with the emotional maturity for lasting love, a conscious love I believe I deserved. I gave copies of my list to all my friends to help me find my heart's desire.
After ending a seven-year relationship, I had to rekindle the art of flirting. I practiced upgrading my skills every chance I got. I became a good listener. I improved my ability to ask meaningful questions as a way of learning more about a new person. If the interest seemed mutual, I would express that I wanted to spend more time together. This was more an offer of friendship than asking for a date. I found this to work better than asking someone to go out on a particular night to do a specific activity. This way we would decide what we wanted to do together and when.
My strategy was to be as full of love as possible while looking for love. I cannot emphasize enough the importance of creating meaningful, supportive friendships while on the quest. It took two years to find the one who fit my profile. I was a little discouraged. Then one hot summer night, when I least expected it, I met my future wife, Maggie, dancing at a dear friend's birthday party.
So, where are the "good ones"? The research shows that 90% of the time, people find great jobs and great mates via people they know. Your circle of friends will be the best place to find the "good ones". I recommend that you carefully select events with the highest likelihood of having great people attending. Use parties, gatherings and seminars to practice your mingling skills. Many couples I interviewed reported finding each other by being involved with groups that met regularly. This setting was safe, provided a shared common interest and the opportunity to get to know someone over time. To be successful in your quest you must be where the eligible partners gather. By doing what you love you will increase the possibility of finding love.
Conscious love is about conscious choice. First, become aware of who you are. Then, make the commitment necessary to find who you are truly looking for. My commitment resulted in finding Maggie. Twenty years later I realize how well our lists matched up and new additions to the list keep unfolding. Do whatever it takes. It's worth the effort. Email me with your suggestions so I can pass your insights to others.
Site updated Spring 2010