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 Dreams
of Kindness, Love and Grace
by Carolyn Berry
"...gift was to impart to me the Truth that it was my belief I was a victim that left me powerless."
The
hero’s father lies dying on the cave floor, blood oozing
from a gunshot wound to the abdomen. As Indy scans the bewildering
array of goblets before him, the Nazi commander confidently swipes
the most ornate vessel high into the air. Dipping it into the
magical waters, he drinks deeply. What begins as a toothy smile
of victory dissolves to a ghastly grimace. Wild winds and piercing
shrieks fill the room as flesh melts from bone, until all that
remains is a mound of fine dust. The camera pans to porcelain
skin and the ageless blue eyes of an ancient knight who kept lonely
vigil for centuries, awaiting this – the ultimate moment
of Truth. He calmly utters three simple words: “He chose
… unwisely.”
You
may recognize this as a scene from “Indiana Jones and the
Final Crusade.” For me, it symbolizes my experience with
committed relationship. More than once I have felt tremendous
solidarity with that miserable Nazi soldier. Holding steadfast
to the purity of my beliefs, errant as they may have been. Certain
of my mission. Clear that I’d found … (*gasp*) …
“The One.” Ultimately rendered a pile of smoking ash.
I
was born in the heat of America’s Baby Boom, a waif weaned
on our cultural myth of “The One.” The reality of my
life has presented me with other Truths. That life is a series
of hello’s and good-bye’s. That we encounter many “intended”
souls on the path. That stuffing each deep soul-connection into
the binding box of “The One” is sure to wound …
not just us … but others.
I’ve
been struck with the frequency that I hear the term “Soul
Mate” of late. It fits nicely in sentences that would have
formerly been constructed around “The One.” Our culture
seems to be innocently distorting a pure Karmic theology to fit
our magical myth. Consider this: perhaps we don’t have one
“Soul Mate” to find and to claim, but instead …
a number of souls who we are meant to encounter, with whom we
share deep affinity, in whose eyes we see timeless recognition
… “Ah—there you are!”
At
age 21, I gave my virginity to my first intended, Mark. I was
clueless how to be certain he was truly “The One”…
but he was a muscular blue-eyed blonde surfer and I believed we
would have beautiful children. Four years after we met I sank
to the realization that my physical survival hinged on breaking
away. A painful window of inner examination followed—who
was I, what did I want, what did I believe? Virtually all I knew
of myself had been given me by someone else. It was time for Carolyn
to be born.
Bau
entered my life. Raised in the Bay Area, he seemed wild and progressive.
He sported a pierced ear and wore Berkenstocks. I was a wide-eyed
child in an adult body and he the most excellent playmate. He
endowed me with a love of new intriguing foods and a passion for
eclectic styles of music. After 20 years, we are still connected.
John
entered my life as my marriage to the father of my children was
gasping in death. Ten years my senior, John was a sage amidst
my victim tantrums about love and men. I’d been undone, done
to, done in. John’s gift was to impart to me the Truth that
it was my belief I was a victim that left me powerless. More than
that, he taught me that love isn’t always about coupling.
After 15 years, we are still connected.
In
Karmic traditions a soul mate is someone we have known in a previous
lifetime: our current friends and lovers were actually companions
from the past. Karma is interwoven with our relationships and
experiences. I am realizing that we encounter many soul mates
in our lifetimes … and that many are never meant to be our
mates or lovers. A soul mate brings us a sense of greater meaning
and purpose. Our soul evolves through loving them.
One
thing is certain—love is inextinguishable. Regardless of
the heartbreaks we suffer, love can manifest itself in every unique
and wonderful possibility. Finding a connection with another is
not difficult if our hearts are open. It’s the “knowing”
that’s hard. We all seek love by joining with others, as
friends or as lovers, by offering our individuality and our uniqueness,
by finding it lovingly mirrored back to us in the eyes of another.
Carolyn Berry serves professionally as a public policy dispute resolution coordinator throughout Oregon. She is also a writer, a social/environmental activist, and public speaker. Contact Carolyn at BerryWildrose@aol.com.
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