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 On
The Path-
Commitment Ceremony
By Bob Czimbal
"It was amazing enough to see him in his primary-colored splendor—but he also happened to be perched on a unicycle and juggling. He was grinning and asked, 'Can we be friends?'"
Clearly
the hardest struggle for me on the path has been parenting, as
a step-parent and as a father. My son, now in his mid-twenties,
resides in Australia. Over the past years we’ve had little
contact and I feel sad because I miss him. But during these same
years I’ve been developing a fantastic friendship with Tony,
who is just a little older than my son. One day while working
at home I heard my door bell. I was unprepared when I opened the
door for the surprise that awaited me. There was Tony, ablaze
in a self-made Native American costume he had created for a powwow.
It was amazing enough to see him in his primary-colored splendor—but
he also happened to be perched on a unicycle and juggling. He
was grinning and asked, “Can we be friends?” YES!
Tony
is persistent in reaching out and expressing his desire to deepen
our friendship. Together we dance, hike, go to movies, cook, attend
seminars, vacation, work on projects and double date. At the end
of our visits Tony always says “I love you and I appreciate
having you and Maggie in my life.”
A
few months ago, Tony asked our help in planning a party for his
upcoming 30th birthday. He shared that since he has little contact
with his birth family he wanted to adopt us as his family-of-choice.
It was clear that we had reached a stage where we were ready to
honor the love we felt for each other. Our intention was to treat
our friendship as sacred. Becoming Kindred Spirits would be a
rite of passage where we would gather our circle of friends and
publicly express our oath to be kin in spirit. I suggested we
include a commitment ceremony and volunteered to write a draft
of it. There is power in spelling out your statements of intention.
Midway
through Tony’s party, we sounded a gong and signaled our
friends to gather round. They were expecting us to begin singing
Happy Birthday. Instead, Tony explained that the present he wanted
most tonight was the birthing of his new spirit family.
This
would be our first ceremony of this kind. We spread a blanket
on the floor to establish sacred space. In the center was a tray
with three candles and a bowl of floating flowers atop an altar
box. We handed out copies of our Certificate of Commitment.
We
formed three overlapping circles with ribbon as a symbol of our
union and our individuality. Each of us brought a lighted candle
to the center of the circles and our intention was read.
“The
three flames represent our spirits. Our light burns brighter together.
A third entity—us—is being created; a new spirit. Our
commitment binds us together as we wrap our candles with a ribbon.
We ask you to focus your love on our union and recommit to love.
The three of us have reached the point on our path where we choose
to honor the sacredness of our friendship. We are deeply committed
to being involved in each others’ spiritual evolution. Please
witness our mutual commitment and support us as we make these
sacred vows.
We
will push the edges of generosity, continually strengthening our
spiritual bond and showing respect for our differences. We pledge
to be mutual mentors and guardians of one anothers’ spirits.
We promise to bring out the best in each other, live in abundance,
deepen our intimacy and cherish our friendship. We declare we
are Kindred Spirits from this moment on. By the power of our love
we are now family. Encircled by our friends, we seal this union
with a kiss.”
The
three of us were then wrapped in a prayer shawl. Tony gifted us
with a hand-made talking stick of red, yellow and blue macaw feathers
individually wrapped in buckskin and adorned with shells and a
spray of buffalo hair. We then opened the alter box to find a
spectacular dessert Tony had prepared. He requested that all in
attendance feed each other this communal dessert. I will always
remember the smiling faces of our friends as they fed each other.
The ceremony was bonding for all of us. Two people thanked us
for germinating the idea and inspiring them to create a family-of-choice
commitment ceremony of their own.
Later
on, Maggie and I gave our parents a picture of the three of us
and a copy of our ceremony. I hope to be able to introduce Tony
to my relatives some day. In our home we have created a new shrine
with three candles, pictures of the ceremony and the certificate
of our commitment.
I
hope, when I do have contact with my son again, that my heart
will be healed and open to him. My love for Tony has been a creative
alternative for the love I cannot express directly to my son.
Thank you Tony for being in our lives.
Bob
welcomes your comments. You may reach him at The Abundance Company
503/232-3522, Bob@A-Bun-Dance.com,
www.A-Bun-Dance.com
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