Leaving Home - The Magician's Offer by Ness Mountain
"They were magical. They did a magic act, which made people happy. They had great powers which they used to help people they met on their travels."
had a couple of bad years there around 1992-93. I was lonely,
not connected to enough people...not knowing how to be connected,
or who to try with. I was a single dad, and single dads are really
out of luck in this culture. I was far from my family, and having
problems with them. I was poor. I had fantasies of being self-employed,
but when I tried to start a business with some other people, it
fell apart disastrously. I felt lost, an outcast from society,
jealous of people with happier lives.
always dreamed of being magic: being able to fly or make things
happen with my mind. When I dream of meeting a magical teacher,
that's always a very special dream. Around the time I've been
talking about, I dreamed of magical teachers for the first time.
came to town in a caravan, like a troupe of gypsies. They announced
a special offer to everyone in the town, and everyone was talking
about it, but everyone seemed a little afraid to take it seriously.
We didn't even know exactly what the offer was. I was worried
about missing the deadline, so I screwed up my courage and went
to talk to the travelers myself.
were magical. They did a magic act, which made people happy. They
had great powers which they used to help people they met on their
travels. They were every kind of people: I remember a big black
woman, a skinny white guy, a red-haired woman, a grey-haired man.
They came from different places, and yet they all stuck together
and believed in each other. They loved to play together. I found
one yellow-haired woman, and I asked her about the offer.
can join us any time you want" she said. "There is no
deadline, the offer will always be open. It is open to anyone."
It felt so good to be around her, I can't explain it. She was
so open and spiritual, I just felt good around her. I was sure
I could trust her, that we would be friends. She explained about
their offer to me.
was another amazing thing about this dream. Have you ever dreamed
of someone plainly explaining something to you?
is involved?" I asked.
have many painful experiences," she explained. "Then,
in ten or twenty years, you'll be dead."
my natural lifespan is much longer than that," I protested.
"I have a duty to the ones here." She smiled. Her smile
told me that she did not fear death; she did not feel it was a
it painful because what we need to learn is painful?" I asked.
change is painful."
I woke up, I had the most amazing feeling. I perceived, with great
clarity and immediacy, that I was a spirit inhabiting an animal's
body. I never used to believe that. I believed I was a body: when
I died, I would rot, there would be nothing left. I used to think,
"I will make good compost, and that's enough for me."
But this experience changed my belief about that, because I simply
FELT that I am a spirit, only living in my body for a time. My
body arched and shivered, feeling more alive than ever before.
this dream, I've gone through a lot of changes. In dreams, death
generally refers to change, and the changes which followed this
dream have been positive, if painful at times. I've been trying
to prepare myself to be a member of the magicians' troupe, whether
in this life or some other.
the wintertime, and I know a lot of people are hurting. I've kept
this dream private a long time, but now I'm ready to let everyone
know that the magicians' offer is always open. Anyone can participate,
or at least get ready to participate. It's been a great thing
here's my suggestion, if you feel the need: every night, before
you fall asleep, ask for a chance to talk to the magicians. Just
ask in your mind, or pray if you prefer. Pay attention to your
dreams. You might want to get a dream workbook. It might take
a while, but I believe the magicians will answer you.
Mountain is a counselor and urban shaman living in Portland. Your comments on Leaving Home are welcome: respond to Alternatives or eMail Ness. eMail the author.
cover art © Leo Wyman
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